Numb nuts

This is the triathlon blog that doesn't dodge the issues.

On my previous couple of bike rides I'd realised that my seat was set up for someone 3 inches shorter than myself. So I upped my seatpost by 4 inches (I thought my legs would stretch another inch????) and, whilst at it also moved the seat at far back as it could go and raise my handlebars. Then I went out for my longest ride so far. This effectively meant I placed my entire body-weight on my perineum for 1hour 40 minutes. Those males familiar with biological terminology might be starting to appreciate what this means - 165lbs of pressure on the lower portion of my penis. Result:




Numb nuts. How appropriate, 1 week of numb testicles and penis tip. Lovely. Most important lesson of triathlon training so far; don't mess with your set-up unless you know what you're doing - or be prepared to lose all feeling in the most precious part of you anatomy. Oh, I also was informed by someone far more knowledgable than I (though anyone with a little common sense could have worked this out) that raising my handlebars was extremely dangerous and the they could have slipped off at ay moment, most likely when under most strain, like when bombing down the dual carriageway at 40mph, then. Numb nuts I most certainly am.

Confessions of a (wannabe) triathlete

1. I spend more time foruming ( ? ), blogging and reading about triathlon than I do training
2. I have been doing a LOT of training
3. Really, a LOT - like 1-2 hours, 5-6 days a week for the past four weeks
4. My previous posts have deliberately underplayed this - though I was very unfit and over-weight beforehand
5. I have spent more money on triathlon related equipment than I care to share at this juncture
6. I already had a great bike and some running shoes
7. I can't remember what I've spent all the money on
8. I have n't even bought a tri-suit
9. I want a tri-suit
10. I want to run the run-section whilst wearing shades, but I don't know why
11. I love triathlon and am perhaps even slightly addicted
12. I know that I am addicted, really

That was a goal!

When I entered the triathlon the goal was quite simple; complete a triathlon. Now, after only a few weeks of training, the goalposts are shifting

Now, there are different types of goals. Firstly there's the public goals "I just want to take part and try to enjoy it, anything else is a bonus." LIE. Then there's the private goals, that I admit to myself and perhaps share with my wife "Yes, I'd like to get a good-ish time - maybe 1h40m". Then there's the secrets goals, which I can barely even begin to type, the goals that I try to suppress everytime they try to raise themselves from my id. "Down! You horrid private goals - I can't do my first triathlon in under 90 minutes! I can't run 5Km in 23mins and I can't swim 750m in under 15 minutes!" I know I can't do these things, yet they keep nagging their way into my thoughts "What if you trained really hard, like twice a day, surely then you could do it..." "SHUT UP! Stupid (no longer) secret goals."

Then there's really odd secondary goals: I read somewhere that Lance Armstrong's resting heart rate was 34bpm or similar. I know mine was 64 before I started exercising again and for some reason I've become bizarrely obsessed with a goal of getting it to 48. I've haven't the faintest idea whether this is a healthy goal or how hard it will be...currently (just give me a minute)....56....halfway there.

I also reckon that it's going to be easier to swim, run and cycle around the Lakes if I'm carrying as little weight as possible so I thought, lose a few kilos and make the job easier. Starting weight: 84Kgs, OK I was a little chubby I thought, so losing 10% might be reasonable. After a few weeks of running, not too often or far, but the chubbiness has approxiamately halved but the weight has dropped off, current weight: 74Kgs. This presents a quandary - what is a realistic target? I think I'd rather not admit just how out of shape I've been.

Other odd goals include; being able to do 50 crunches, 50 press-ups (have postponed that one - it takes too much out of my arms for swimming) having a nice set of running gear that I look good in (also in secret goals) and being able to cycle with my socks off.

Well, that's enough goals to be getting on with I suppose.

Edit 18/09/08:

My resting heart rate is now 47!

My weight has stabilised at 74kgs, though I have started some weight training so some of this will be additional muscle (I've also eaten far to many pies) but I can only do 30 crunches at a time.

Totally Immersed

Water is 880 times more dense than air.

That fact, combined with my inability to swim more than 2 lengths without swallowing a lung's volume of water, helped me decide to prioritise swim training.

I had a stroke (excuse the pun) of good fortune in happening across a DVD: "Total Immersion: Freestyle Made Easy". If, like me, you're as uncoordinated as the proverbial drunk on the dance floor then get your eyes stroking over this over this. It concentrates on balance and stream-lining through the water. After around 10-12 sessions of doing the drills I almost have a stroke I'd be happy to perform in front of others...almost. The lack of air thing is still tough, but I'm getting there...slowly. Well, actually, not that slowly - maintaining form whilst going slow seems tougher than at speed, oddly.

Now, whilst my running goes well, and swimming progressing well I'd better find some time to go cycling. I just hope not to discover that cycling is 1600 times more exhausting than swimminng.

How not to enter your first triathlon

1. Do no exercise whatsoever between the ages of 18 to 32
2. Do some running
3. Get injured
4. Come back from injury
5. Start running again
6. Enter a triathlon
7. Research the triathlon you've entered and realise its one of the toughest possible in its class
8. Try to learn how to swim properly

16 miles - not that far really.

<----------------- About this far, on a map ----------------->

However, scale this up...factor in the following...:

1. No cars allowed
2. Swim, bike, run
3. It's a lot further on a road than on a map
4. I can't swim more than a couple of lengths
5. I've only been out on my bike once since I bought it nearly two years ago

...and it does n't seem such a short distance.

The triathlon (not triathAlon as I've also discovered) I've entered is in Kendal, the Kendal in the Lake District...the place with the big hills...ooops. Thankfully, the swim is indoors but the cycle and run are both described as 'hilly/undulating'. I'm not sure which is worse, but I'd prefer "flat/boring".

Anyway, I'm entered and Acts of God permitting, I will be particpating in my first triathlon on September 28th I will be propelling myself the best part of 30.75Km around the Lake District under my own steam, using three different methods...